White slate
by HotWhiteIce
Summary: oneshot.Lelouch told himself shirley deserved better, but deep down inside, he would never be able to convince himself that he could give up the girl he loved that easily.


**wo-ot! my second code geass fic!! I was frickin' ASTOUNDEDby the number of hits I got on my last story! Yeah so, I'm gonna try again at yet another CG fic...wish me luck...**

**Oh yeah! formal intro!! I'm kitty-chan, sometimes I go by Flo or ariel. Just whatever...**

**Disclaimer: Like I said, if I owned CG, certain _people_ would rule the world.**

It was late. Too late for the prestigious Zero's, or at this moment, Lelouch's liking. The darkness told him how yet another day had ended, how he had failed to free Japan yet another day, how he had lost yet _another _life that he cared about deeply.

"You're home." C.C. remarked, not looking up from her girl's magazine.

It was quiet for a few moments while Lelouch removed his jacket, then threw it too the ground with a little more force than necessary. "What did you do with the girl?"

"Which one?" Lelouch asked from his place across the room. He sprawled out on the floor, looking up at the ceiling, trying to clear his mind of that days events...wipe his own memory.

"You know perfectly well who I'm speaking of. I didn't feel like sticking around while you two had some sappy, angsty conversation."

"Her name is Shirley, C.C." Lelouch growled out.

"I know." Blunt. That was her style, no one would ever change it.

Once again, quietness seeped into the room and engulfed it like a flood; it's harsh cold stinging.

"I wiped her memory. She remembers nothing."

"Oh? You don't sound too happy about it. Please enlighten me on what made her so different from all the other humans you have used your geass on." Not once did the green haired girl look up from her magazine. It was so much more interesting than listening to Lelouch ramble on about how he was going to liberate Japan and such and such.

C.C. looked up, a weird look that wasn't quite a smile, wasn't quite a grimace, but just oozed mockery and malice. "Don't tell me you fell for that girl? That weak little excuse of a human, that quivering heap of--"

"That's enough, C.C.!"

The brunette sighed and stood up, running a hand through his brown, spiky hair. "If you need me I'll be outside."

Lelouch stepped out onto the balcony, a cold wind tussling his hair. The image of shirley standing before him seeped into his mind,

'_You really loved her, didn't you?' _she had said while smiling; her eye's glassed over, unremembering.

She was better off not remembering him. He was a tainted soul while her's was pure and simply...beautiful.

"What am I supposed to do with all these leftover feelings for you?" Lelouch said reciting the lyrics to a song C.C. had been listening to earlier that day. "So leave me by the road side..."

A single tear ran down his cheek. Shirely would never know how much she had meant to him, how many times her innocent smile had saved him, just...how much he had longed to bring her father back, and hold her in his arms comforting her and stroking her long beautiful hair.

She deserved better than him, and that is what she would one day get. Someone just as pure and lovely as her.

If he knew this, why did his heart hurt so badly?

On the surface, Lelouch fully believed that Shirley was better off without him...but deep down, he was bleeding. An internal wound that would not heal. A scar that would never form.

For a fraction of a second, maybe even more, Lelouch wished he had never become Zero. He wished that he could take back every wrong act, every evil deed. Every sin every life.

Throw everything away.

Wipe the slate clean.

Destroy himself.

Why? Why were the people he loved the most always the ones in his way?

**Okay, kind sad and drably...**

**this is dedicated to the fourteenth episode when Lelouch wipes shirley's memory. I cried when that happened. I don't know why, I just did. And I wasn't even a fan of LelouchxShirley!!**

**I hope you liked this!! **

**Oh, and never fear, my faithful LelouchxSuzaku fans, I am still going to write the sequel to "the end"!! **

**reviews are welcome!!**


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